I'm still basking in the comforts of home, but I'll soon be back in hall. Weekends are unproductive. I know I ought to break the vicious cycle but my energy and sanity just deteriorate and go downhill as each week progresses. It takes a long time to recuperate and recharge, either because I'm getting old or I'm not too healthy. Anyway, it's one more week to recess, I hope my lifestyle doesn't change too drastically to the extent that I'll have to readapt all over again.
Have been thinking a lot these days. It's frustrating that there's still no conclusion after so long. I credit this to literature's teachings - reading too much into things, trying to find out every single underlying message. Careful, contemplative, they both belong to indecisiveness now. And suddenly I'm not sure what I want anymore. Complications of a simple do or don't. The basis is we gain some but lose some. Are we gaining what we hope for and willing to lose what we might possibly lose?
Sometimes I get tired, and wish that I could throw all of these out of my mind. Then the matters conclude. But often, "myself" is not the only factor. And then I could only learn to be versatile, which versatility in itself is unbalanced. Yes we are okay with any, but the extent of how much we want to go for either could be different. Also, the ability to manage. I can assign everything to logic/common sense/theory but the fact is, I'm still stuck in reality, not even knowing whether to be rational or intuitive.
If you can't understand what I was trying to say, it's okay. Because I don't either. Just know that there's action that needs to be taken, or not at all.