I concede. Contract bridge isn't my game. Perhaps not yet, or maybe it will never be.
Yes I know it's not right to say this when competition is a few days away. Nor am I saying this because of my "inferior" position as a reserve; I do understand that reserve players are there for a reason and I do not think that reserve players are any less important than main players because we're supposed to be a team. There's this hole in my head with regards to the game and I've been trying to find the missing piece.
I don't understand how the game works. I can't figure out the moves during game play. I have no logic and am not versatile with that bidding system. I read the notes given over and over, and tried to digest it. But apparently putting the theory into use does not always fit the actual practice. In fact, it doesn't. Most of the time.
Do I always bid at a higher level to show support, when there's a possibility to make the contract at a lower level? I learnt I always have to respond to a 1NT bid, but I can choose to pass if my hand has too little points or if I think a NT game is more suitable? Under what kind of circumstances do I start showing and exploring suits? Points are more important but how does responder show them when we respond according to number of trumps? Why is it that a bid could be made when not all the basic requirements are necessarily fulfilled?
Not to mention, the n times I've asked how a certain bid promises a certain number of cards or points range. The same things every day, yet I can't seem to collate and commit them to memory. The information is too scattered and I fail to pick all the pieces up and join them together. I suppose I like to explore whys rather then hows and whats.
Feel of the game, people say. Why then, do I always get the wrong feel. And then focus comes into the picture.
Admittedly, I have a short attention span. Even when I study I have a habit of walking around and self-psychoing to continue after a 10-minute break at the end of each chunk of revision time. It's been established that I usually start to zone out after sitting down doing a particular thing for 1.5 hours. And when there are deadlines to meet and some other thing that popped out of nowhere and lingers around in my thoughts, it gets worse. Too much on my mind, too much that's to be settled. And NO, this is not giving the classic excuse that I'm mentally tired and drained.
However I would like to bring up and emphasize that my poor ability to focus does not reflect how serious I am. They're not proportional. I fully appreciate and understand my responsibilities as manager hence I do make way in my time to fit in every single training. Because I know it's not impossible. The experience of managing the team is fruitful, though I have doubts of whether I'm doing a good job. I can never be sure of what's beyond my control. But I believe, if I wanted to, I could self-declare that I am committed.
Now, focus. Three more days before Friday. I'm sorry to the three members who came this hot and humid afternoon; my incompetency at the game has wasted your 2 hours. I'm sorry to myself for wasting hours traveling to and from hall and not gaining from training. I promise to contribute more brain power just like how I promise 3/5 trumps after my partner does a 1 major/minor opening. Notes are dead and games are real; I understand relying on notes (as it's consolidated) only goes a certain distance. I'm not exactly a fan of giving up without putting up a fight. The rest's to fate and luck. Cause we do not pass at an all-time owning 2C opening bid.
And also because, this week might very well be the last week of intersection of contract bridge and me.