I questioned, after so long.
They say curiosity kills the cat. Somehow I’m quite sure I ain’t a cat.
As much as my question might seem brainless, senseless and unneeded at that point in time, it is the basis of all the fundamental problems where complications sparked off. That’s purpose. Tradition, yes. But don’t traditions have purpose too? If the foundation wasn’t set, how should stability be expected?
Face it. People don’t know what they’re doing. Much less understand why they are doing it. Or simply why they’re sacrificing time to do it. Why find extra commitments, extra responsibilities, extra burdens? We could all be much happier people.
If there was a known purpose from the start, I would have steered in a different direction. And not come to a realization, which gradually to my horror, that there is so much difference in mindsets after excluding the novices whom we cannot expect too much love and passion from. We want to make sure that there is money and get through this, finish this. No doubt cost is a great consideration. This is to showcase talent and let people shine. Is it really that simple? How about the others? Most importantly, where is the attitude?
If it is just a performance to throw out whatever ability people have, there’s no need to go to the extent of theatre.
My lethargic spirit for theatre tells me it’s insulted.
I understand that not everyone has a love for drama and theatre. And without love there’s no passion. But I've always believed that can be cultivated. Drama and theatre is ever alluring, it’s hard to not adore it. I’m sure I wouldn’t stop exploring despite this not-so-pleasant working experience. I just did not appreciate the dismissal of my question with that increased volume. It wasn’t meant to be a debate. In fact I wasn’t even expecting a solid answer. Why is there such a defense line when we’re supposed to be working together?
And all the recent happenings have triggered some reflections. Now I miss my director. I’m reminded of how I didn’t appreciate his patience as much as I could have. I miss performing with my comrades too. It’s easy to leave, inevitable to move on, but memories of the past are just, overwhelming. I have enjoyed myself, and I treasure those moments. But till today, there’re things which I still think I could have handled better, and words I should have and should not have said. Regardless of role, I have learnt it is really important to put oneself aside to achieve that something together. Selfless. Tolerance.
But I guess, all I need to keep in mind now is that it's four days to the end. Dwelling on this was totally unexpected. My faith in the beliefs and insights I've gained over the years does not waver. They don't.